And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
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We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
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Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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