He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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