I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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