I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
