his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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