rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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