is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
