He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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