i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
