party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
