I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
