Soap is not a condiment
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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