he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
