why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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