i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
