she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
