Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
