I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
