he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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