i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
