if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
