garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
