You're so nebulous sometimes
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
