he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
