so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
