Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
