worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
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my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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