there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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