whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
