I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
