I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
