you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
