My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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