if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.