Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
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he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
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We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION