I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
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oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."