Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be