What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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