His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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