i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
