Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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