Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
