Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
