i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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