I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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