just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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