I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
