WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I love black thongs
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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