at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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