Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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