its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
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Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
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