Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
