Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
