Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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