maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
