What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
