Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
