things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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