my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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