I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
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24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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