At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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