Welp...herpes.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
