pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
