im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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