i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
