Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
