Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
