Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
