Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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