just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
