I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
