So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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