The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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